Cultural Differences: Taboos May 5
Cultural Differences: Sorry, You Can’t Say That
The cultural differences in how we define honesty create differences in the phrases that we use to express ourselves.
The U.S. and Canada
As I explain in another page (cultural differences dictate that often you shouldn’t say what you mean), in the US and Canada we value honesty, but never stop to think about the fact that most of us share a common definition of “straight talk”; of what honesty means, what honesty sounds like. Furthermore, we never stop to think that in other countries, people might not have the same definition as we do.
Mexico
In Mexico a lot of what we consider honesty, they consider blunt, rude, and down-right abrasive. Mexicans feel attacked by our straight talk.
I Don’t Know
Mexicans don’t really like it when I say, “I don’t know.” They feel betrayed because saying “I don’t know” isn’t being honest (as you might think if you are from North America); it’s ignoring their obvious need for an answer. It’s completely unsupportive and rude.
When faced with a question to which they don’t know the answer, many Mexicans invent an answer in order to be polite.
You need to know this cultural difference for two reasons. Reason #1 is so that you can find a very indirect and diplomatic way to say “I don’t know.”
Remember that they have a need for an answer and are in a vulnerable position. Treat them gently. Try to find a way to help them. Say something like, “Let me find out” or “Maybe you could ask (person X).” Add on something about how you would very much like to help them, but that are sure that someone else could do a much better job.
Reason #2 is so that you can learn to recognize polite answers given by people who haven’t a clue in you know where and real answers. Because Mexicans WILL NOT sacultural-differences-retire-mexico-loaning.htmly “I don’t know” they will avoid being rude by MAKING SOMETHING UP. The good thing is that with time you will learn to tell when they are making something up and when they actually know.
The main clue is that when they are making something up, they tend to be very vague. It’s hard to describe how to tell. Possibly, there is some subtle body language that goes along with this. I can’t really explain it to you, but with time you too will be able to tell the difference.
When you suspect that someone is avoiding those three (well, in Spanish they are two) tercultural-differences-retire-mexico-loaning.htmlrible words, the best course of action is to go and ask someone else. Sometimes you need to ask three people and sort of take the average of what they say.
No
Another honest word that you are not allowed to use in Mexico is “no.” It is a word that I miss a lot (sigh). See cultural differences in friendships for more details about why “no” is such a bad word in Mexico.
Since saying “no” is a no-no in Mexico people rarely use this word. Instead people just say “yes,” albeit more vaguely.
“How can this be?” you ask. Let me tell you, it can be a real shocker when you first live or retire in Mexico. The real damage comes in when you, as a person from a country where “no” is an acceptable response, use the poisonous little word. I’ve committed this cultural no-no many a time and, let me tell you, people’s faces fall. They feel terrible when you tell them “no.”
So, you quickly learn that you are obligated to say “yes”—even when you don’t mean it. At first you will probably feel like you are lying, but if you know how to say “no” like a Mexican (that is to not say no at all) it will become much more comfortable for you. When interacting with others tune in to when they are being vague and take note of the hedge words they use. By observing others you can build a “no saying” dictionary that will allow you to maintain good relationships with friends and acquaintances and yet remain true to your own cultural values of not lying to people.
When you are in a situation in which you want to say “no,” STOP YOURSELF. Try to say “yes” first, then add something that keeps things very vague. If saying “yes” feels too much like you are lying right to someone’s face then just give lots of excuses and say “thank you” over and over. Try to use your dictionary of hedge words that you pick up from observing others.